all my days

The other day, I found myself thinking,

"It's just not fair."

"It's not fair that Meg has cancer and because of that cancer, she won't get to see her children become husbands and wives, or hug her grandchildren."

"It's not fair that my fiance has to be so far away from home while his mom is sick.  And it's not fair that he doesn't get to have his parents at his graduation that he has worked so hard for.  And it's not fair that he has to go through so much sadness and pain, and I can't do a thing about it."

And yes, I even thought,

(please remember that I am human, and humans fall short)

"It's not fair that our wedding will be a bittersweet event.  And it's not fair that our first year of marriage has to be even more difficult than the normal first year."

And then I heard it...

"All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."

Psalm 139:16

This verse has always been special to me because it just reaffirms that God has been and will always be there.  But when it came to mind (or I guess I should say God spoke), it made so much sense.  It gave me an immediate sense of comfort and peace.

God has known from before I was born that our first year of marriage would be extra challenging.

In fact, I believe that he has put people in my life (example: amazing parents) so that I could not only make it, but so that I could be there for my fiance/husband as well.

God has known from before the time that Devin was born that his last semester of college would be the most difficult semester of his life.  But I know with my whole heart that Devin has grown so much and that he will continue to grow to be an even more wonderful man because of this trial.

God has known from before the time that Meg was born that she would get cancer at 45.  I can't help but think about how God has known every single day of her life.  How anxious He was for the day to arrive where she would come to know Christ, and how absolutely thrilled He was when she decided to join the family and become a follower of Christ.  And how much joy He felt when she amd Brian welcomed three wonderful kids into the world.  And how much immense sorrow He must feel now to watch her be in so much pain.

God knows every day we will live before we ever live one day.

Meg is so precious to me and it hurts so much that she has cancer.  I truly hate cancer.

And on top of worrying about her and worrying about my fiance who is a state away, I have an endless list of wedding to do's, as well as a job that I need to find and a test that I need to study for.  The stress has been getting to me.  But thankfully, I listened.  I heard God's word and felt comfort and peace that only comes from HIM.