bah. humbug.

oh, where to start...

Life lately has been nothing like I thought it would be.

The picturesque "Newlywed" life is hard to attain when:

-Your husband is finally grieving over losing his mom to cancer.  I truly believe that since we had so many things going on with the wedding and finding jobs and moving, that Thanksgiving was the trigger to really grieving the loss of his mom.  It is awful.  I feel so bad for him and wish there was something I could do to make it better, but I can't.  He sleeps a lot, doesn't eat much, and mostly of what he eats is thrown up shortly there after, due to some anxiety issues.  I think he has lost 10 lbs so far.

-You work all day long and get home at 6:30.  This, of course, leads to NOT wanting to cook dinner and only about 4 hours of chill time before the routine starts all over again.  Don't get me wrong, I am thankful for my job and enjoy it for the most part.  It does, however, give me even more motivation to find a teaching job.

-Your family and friends are far, far away.  It has not been easy for me here.  Nothing is new for Devin so he doesn't really understand.  We live in the town he grew up in and attend the church he was raised in.  All the friends we hang out with were his before they were "ours" which makes it hard to actually find friends of my own.  Colorado is cool, but I'll be ready for the day we move.  I am so very much looking forward to Christmas so I can spend three whole days with my family, but I dread it because I know those days will go by too fast.

All of this leads to my "bah humbug" attitude towards the hype of Christmas this year.  And I hate that I feel this way because I absolutely LOVE celebrating the heck of out holidays.  I had always dreamed of my first married Christmas to be special and magical.  Putting a Christmas tree and decorations up alone isn't jolly or cheerful.  I realize I sound selfish and petty, and I may be.

I know that "this too shall pass".  But like we've been saying all along, 2011 has been a rough year.
I'm praying 2012 will be a year of health and safety for all our loved ones.